


Dial L for Lush

by ZombieJesus



Series: Checkmate AU Side Fics and One-Shots [2]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Drunk Dialing, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Fun, M/M, Mischief that leads to a little smut, People are not happy to get these calls, Pranks, except Matsuda, in L’s metallic robot voice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 20:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieJesus/pseuds/ZombieJesus
Summary: L has too much champagne and drunk-dials everyone he knows with Light. Which is apparently what he usually does for fun when everyone leaves Kira HQ for the night.But who does L really want to talk to?





	Dial L for Lush

**Author's Note:**

> Light’s Kira and this can be set in the Yotsuba arc when Light’s lost his memories. Or my preference, which is L knows Light is Kira and just doesn’t care (or likes it hehe).
> 
> Please imagine all the calls in L’s metallic fake-robot voice. XD
> 
> 867-5309 - Tommy Tutone (https://youtu.be/6WTdTwcmxyo)

Light saw the trail of empty champagne bottles littering the floor before he heard the hiccups, but it was easy enough to follow both to the source. He stopped as he stepped into the monitor room of Kira HQ, glimpsing the back of L’s spiky black head. He was crouched in front of his laptop, whispering into the microphone beside it while pouring himself another glass of champagne.

 

Light’s brow furrowed as he strode closer, “What in the...” _L’s drunk!_

 

L saw Light approaching, his eyes going wide. He quickly swiveled his desk chair away and whispered something hastily into the microphone then snapped his laptop shut. Then turned around to Light like nothing was amiss. _Uh oh. Be cool_. “Light-kun. *hiccup* What are you still doing up so late...” He picked up his stemmed glass and slurped it noisily, trying to look like he hadn’t been up to no good just now.

 

Light gave him a suspicious look, raising an eyebrow. “L....what are you doing?” _You’re not very slick when you’re drunk L._

 

L’s eyes went wide. Innocently, “What do you mean?” He took another tiny sip.

 

Light crossed his arms and shook his head, amused. “You’re drunk.”

 

L tottered a bit in his crouch, “I most certainly am not. *hiccup* Yet.”

 

“I saw all those bottles outside.” Light smiled a little despite himself. “L stands for ‘lush’ apparently.”

 

L glared at him, “Light-kun will take that back. *burp*” _It doesn’t stand for anything, but I guess you wouldn’t know._

 

Light gave an exasperated sigh and plopped down in the chair next to L. “Well, seeing as how you don’t look like you’re stopping anytime soon...got another glass?”

 

L gave him a tiny smile behind his glass and opened a file drawer in his desk. There were no files inside, just a bunch of champagne flutes. He reached bony fingers inside to grab one and set it on the desk in front of Light. “Care to pour us both some more then?” He held his empty glass upside down, sticking out his tongue to catch the last rolling drops.

 

Light took the open bottle and poured them both some, giving L a sly smile. “Who were you talking with just now?” _L is in no condition to have a serious conversation with anyone._

 

”Oh nobody.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

L rolled his eyes to the ceiling, taking a gulp of wine. “Well...if you must know...”

 

Light leaned his chin on his hand, giving L a bemused smile, “I really must.”

 

L paused, looking around to make sure no one else was there. Whispering, “Ok but you have to promise not to tell Watari.”

 

”L, what are you—“

 

L just waggled a finger at him. “Promise.”

 

Light sighed. “Ok ok I promise.”

 

L bit his lip and smiled a little wider at Light. _This could be fun._  He set down his glass and opened his laptop back up. Light saw it was set to the dialing program he used to mask his voice over calls. L typed in a number and brought the microphone near, motioning Light to scoot closer. Then he pressed enter and they heard ringing on the other end.

 

*Brrrrrring. Brrrrrrring* “Yes? Hello?”

 

L stifled a giggle and smirked at Light while leaning close to the microphone. “Ahem. Yes. Is this INTERPOL?”

 

The official-sounding voice was wary. “Yes this is INTERPOL, who is this?”

 

”This is the famous and infallible detective *hiccup* L.”

 

”L! Well let me patch you right—“

 

”No no that won’t be necessary. I only wanted to check in that you were able to find your asses today without my help. And how is that progressing?”

 

There was indignant stammering on the other end of the line. And Light was about to lose it, a hand clamped over his mouth.

 

L squinted back his laughter. “I see. Well in that case I’ll check in later and let you know my price.” *click*

 

As he ended the call, Light’s laughter he’d been holding in burst out, until he was nearly crying. “L.....is this what you do....for fun...when no one’s around?”

 

L’s hunched shoulders shook a little with his giggling, “Pretty much.” With fake concern, “Is Light-kun very much shocked and dismayed?”

 

Light wiped his eyes and shook his head, grinning. “No....let’s call somebody else.”

 

L took a large sip of his wine and nodded seriously. “I know who.” He tapped in a number and pressed enter.

 

*Brrrring. Brrrrriiing.* A gruff voice answered, “Aizawa here.”

 

”Hello Aizawa, it’s L. How’re the anger management classes going?”

 

”Anger management? Were you the one who told the Chief I needed those??! AAGHH! L YOU BAS—“

 

”Oh dear, not very well I see. Well try a little harder in class please.” *click*

 

Light scooted even closer as he giggled, and they were now shoulder to shoulder in front of the microphone. “Who’s next?”

 

L typed in a number. “You’ll see.”

 

*Brrrrring. Brrrrrring* A sleepy voice picked up the phone. “He-hello?”

 

”Yes hello Matsuda, this is L.”

 

The voice was instantly alert. “L! Has there been a breakthrough? Do you need me to come over?”

 

”No Matsuda. I actually am sending a very important witness over for you to interview and I want you to do everything she asks of you ok? No exceptions.”

 

”Now? Um oh-okay. Whatever will help the case L.”

 

”Excellent. This will be a big help. See you Monday.” *click*

 

Light gave him a funny look. “A witness?”

 

“Guess who’s birthday is tomorrow?” L switched to a website for escorts and selected one with the name ‘UltimaDom2PunishU.’ He labeled it a rush order and entered in Matsuda’s address with the instructions that he would attempt to interrogate her but really she’d be the one interrogating him. All night long. “I left a big tip so I’m sure Lady Ultima won’t disappoint. *hiccup*”

 

Light’s eyes went wide and he laughed in disbelief. “L!!!!!”

 

L shrugged, “Oh he’ll thank me later. Who’s next?”

 

”Oh I got one. My stupid history teacher Tanaka made me stay late to grade papers with him. Payback time.” Light looked up the teacher’s number and typed it in. “Oh man. This guy is such a pompous ass.”

 

”Well please allow me.” _I have a soft spot for such people._

 

Light grinned. “Be my guest.”

 

*Brrrrring. Brrrrrring.* Huffing on the other end. “Of all the...at this time of night....Hello?!”

 

L leaned towards the microphone. “Yes is this Tanaka-sensei, high school history teacher?”

 

“Well yes who is this?”

 

L caught Light’s eye for a moment then blurted out, ”You’re a pompous ass.”

 

Huffing intensifies. “WELL I NEVER!”

 

”What you’ll never do is make brilliant students stay after class to do your job. Else you’ll be hearing from me again.“ *click*

  

Light pounded the desk with glee. “Bwahaha! That was perfect!!”

 

L hooked a finger in his mouth and turned to Light with a grin, “Hmmm who’s next...” 

 

An idea came to Light. “Oh I know. Misa!!! Can I be L this time? Pleeease?”

 

”I suppose for this one you can.” He turned the laptop to Light. “Fire away.”

 

Light gave an evil cackle and punched in Misa’s number.

 

*Brrrrring. Brrrrrrring.* “Uh hello? Who’s calling Misa Misa so late and disturbing her beauty sleep?” She sounded a little pissed.

 

Light leaned into the microphone and gave his best L impression. “Misa-chan. Apologies for the disturbance. Just calling to let you know that goth clothes went out with the 90s and not everything you own needs to be purchased from Hot Topic.” He scrunched his face, bracing for the inevitable shrieking.

 

“BWAAARrrrraaahhhhh!!!!”

 

L shook his head and mercifully ended the call. *click* He sighed at Light but was trying not to bust into laughter, “Was that really necessary?”

 

Light was nodding and smiling, “Yes, yes it was.”

 

L chewed a finger, thinking who was his next victim. “I got it.” He banged in a number into the laptop and it started ringing again.

 

*Brrrrrring. Brrrrrrrring* 

 

An angry voice on the other line. “WHO IS THIS? RYUZAKI YOU PERVERT IS THAT YOU??!” Uh oh. L was a little too tipsy and dialed Misa again by mistake. 

 

L grimaced. “Um...no this is certainly not Ryuzaki. He would never do such a thing....but...” L’s voice sped up really fast, “Light is a damn good lay and gives head for days!” He slammed the laptop closed to end the call and was dying of laughter along with Light.

 

Light wheezed and gasped as he tried to speak, “Now L....was THAT really necessary?”

 

L put his head on the laptop, shaking with giggles and hiccups. “Yes, yes it was.” 

 

Finally they caught their breath and Light caught L’s eye. “A damn good lay huh. Head for days?”

 

L cleared his throat, “Yes, well, I was just trying to get a rise out of—“

 

But L was cut off by Light pulling him into his lap and kissing him. L’s mouth tasted sweet and alcoholic, dangerous and thrilling.

 

L froze a moment in surprise and then grabbed Light’s face and kissed him back hard. _I’m more drunk on you than anything else, aren’t I?_

 

Light pulled back and pressed their hips together, and whispered in L’s ear. “Let’s see if I can get a rise out of you.”

 

“Too late.” L pressed back, and Light felt how hard he was already. He leaned forward, panting against Light’s neck, “Kira....this is L” He licked up Light’s ear slowly. A whisper, “Are you there?” 

 

Light immediately felt himself go rock hard and he grabbed L’s ass and kneaded it, grinding himself against L’s crotch. “Mmmm. Wrong number this time L?”

 

L pulled Light’s shirt off over his head, then his own, and they were skin to skin. He started licking and biting Light’s neck excitedly. “No I don’t think so.” He whispered, nearly pleading, “Kira....I want to talk to Kira.....” He unbuttoned Light’s pants and reached inside to trace lazy fingers over Light’s cock.  _Kira...pick up...pick up...._

 

“I bet you do.” _I’ll answer your call L._ Light laced his fingers into L’s hair and yanked up slightly to bring them eye to eye. _I’ll never hang up._ He stared into grey eyes dark with lust. “And what would you tell Kira... *if* he were here?” 

 

L smiled and gave Light’s cock a squeeze, “That I’m a damn good lay.” Voice going lower, breathless, “And I give head for days.”

 

*click*

**Author's Note:**

> *Brrrrring! Brrrring!* Wut? Who this?
> 
> ZJ: Yes hi DN fandom this is ZJ.
> 
> DNF: Oh god it’s you again.
> 
> ZJ: Yes it’s me. I’m like a bad cold you can’t get rid of and pops up the next day after you thought you felt better.
> 
> DNF: Sigh. Aren’t there other fandoms you can pester?
> 
> ZJ: Nope! So won’t you leave me a comment?
> 
> DNF: Maybe. You’ll just call back if we don’t, won’t you....
> 
> ZJ: Yup! Thanks!!
> 
> *click*
> 
> ———
> 
> Thank you to Exam for funny conversations about Drunk!L :)
> 
> Light’s idiot teacher Tanaka is mentioned in Silent Move and King’s Gambit.


End file.
